you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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