When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You can't motorboat a personality
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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