yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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