i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
