hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm too high and old for this...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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