I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
