you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
