pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
