The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
