So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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