She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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