you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
