I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
