you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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