So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
