Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
