Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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