took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
