Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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