No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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