My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He keeps bees of course he's weird
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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