I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry about my life...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
