Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That's intense
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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