I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need a burrito and a hug.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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