I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
