I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
