I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
