You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
