i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
