Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
