Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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