Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
