I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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