atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
