Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
