Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
