i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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