Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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