The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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