I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
