I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
