WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
