honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I smell stomach acid.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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