He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
