It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
