ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
