I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
