a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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