yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
