Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
