At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
