What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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