answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
