he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
