Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
