id be glad to
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
