wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
