random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
