Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
