had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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